'WAEC seized my English results thrice' - Interview with Patrick Obahiagbon

This is a very interesting
interview with Gbenro Adeoye
of Punch Newspapres.

Did you write exams in school
in these big words?
I used such words very-very
freely in my exams both at the
secondary school and in my
university and little wonder I
had the misfortune of my
English results being seized
intermittently in my O’ Levels.
WAEC released my results for
the other subjects and
withheld my English result.
This happened for about three
years. Twice, I passed the
University Matriculation
Examination but I could not
proceed to the University
because of my English results
that were not released. At the
end of the day, it was released
after the third attempt.
Why do you always speak ‘big
grammar’?
I am not really consensus ad
idem with those who opine that
my idiolect is advertently
obfuscative. No no no, it’s just
that I am in my elements when
the colloquy has to do with the
pax nigeriana of our dreams
and one necessarily needs to
fulminate against the
alcibiadian modus vivendi of
our prebendal political class.
How do you talk to your wife,
children and even your
friends?
I relate with my family and
friends very warmly and in an
atmosphere of camaraderie,
stripped of my confutational
habiliment and gladiatorial
homilies. I am a very peaceful,
calm, level-headed and
celestially attuned soul
personality.
Is this the way you proposed
to your wife, speaking high
tech grammar?
Of course, the business of the
day when I interfaced with my
wife on matters of the heart
had to be in plain Caeser’s
language and you can decipher
why that had to be so. The
matter in view did not permit
itself of sphinxian conundrum.
Do you know that many
people don’t take you too
seriously when you talk
because they think you are
not communicating ?
Why will I be perturbed from
ensconcing myself in the
palatable arms of Morpheus
because people have deprived
themselves of the cultivation of
the regime of the mental
magnitude? I read all the
farrago of baloneys and vacuous
bunkum from pepper soup
objurgators. The spirit of
animadversion remains their
fundamental human right. It
also remains an indubitable
fact that I get millions and
millions of requests daily from
people all over the world
requesting for my verbal
mentorship which positive
cosmopolitan reactions have
assisted my equipoise and
righteous sense of
pachydermatous garb. I cannot
put my nose to the grindstone
daily and expect to be
understood by those luxuriating
in a modus vivendi, verging on
pepper souping, goat heading,
suyaing, big stouting and
isiewulising. Has a
philosophical wag not once
pontificated that things of the
spirit are spiritually discerned
and that it takes the deep to
call the deep? We will speak
more on this matter of critiques
and chichi dodo another day.
Why do you pull your trousers
up beyond the waist?
Hahahaha….That trousers style
is called Yohji Yamamoto. It
was my own audacious
statement to remonstrate
against the pervasive tendency
of Nigerians especially our
youths that took to the practice
of putting on trousers exposing
their lower anatomical contours
and I will do it over and over.

Lolzzzzzzzzzzzz... I can't stop laughing...